Angels Aren't My Type, But Maybe Cas Could Be
by caspie
Summary: Cas is back from Purgatory and the phrase "I'm dirty" sends Dean onto a path he wasn't planning on. He wants to help wipe away all the stains and sins that have piled up since Cas met Dean, but Dean has to accept that he wants Cas first. Based off Cas' "I'm dirty" statement in 8x07.


"I'm dirty."

"Yes, Cas, you are."

Dean licks his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. Cas is certainly covered in dirt, his clothes are a mess, and he's still wearing the mental patient outfit. Dean misses his clean angel. With his hair and clothes disheveled, but the perfect posture of a well-trained soldier. Dean knew the exact set of Cas' jaw under all that "peach fuzz," the solid set of Cas' shoulders under the wrecked fabric of the trench coat, the shape of Cas' mouth under the beard. Why did he keep coming back to Cas face under all that hair? He swallowed thickly.

Cas doesn't know how to shower or how to shave or how to even operate the shower right? Damnit, he wasn't thinking about offering to help clean Cas... Was he? He bit down on his lower lip and pulled it into his mouth, rolling it against his teeth. _Damnit, I can't be thinking about Cas and helping him clean up. He's a man, an angel, whatever, not my type._ But, Dean could picture it.

Dean was leaning in over the bathtub, turning the water on to a pleasant temperature and he could hear Cas pulling the bloodied and torn trench coat off. It wasn't often Dean got to see Cas without all that fabric in the way. He turned his head to look over his shoulder as he adjusted the water temp. Maybe Cas should keep the hospital outfit. The pants hugged his ass nicely and the fabric was thin, so it clung a little bit, in a good way. He turned back to the water, he couldn't think about his angel, his best friend this way. But, he really wanted to look back. He had heard Cas put the coat down, which meant he'd be taking his shirt off. The water seemed good enough, plenty of pressure and not too hot or cold, perfectly steamy.

Cas' arms were above his head, pulling his shirt off. Dean hadn't seen Cas shirtless since the time he carved the angel sigil into his chest... All he could see was Cas' back for now. He was finely toned and Dean appreciated the way that Cas' muscles bunched at the shoulders, as he worked his shirt off over his head.

"Cas, have you ever had to do this before? Undress or shower or shave or anything?"

"Of course not Dean. Angels don't have to do those things, but I've seen it plenty. I've been watching humans for a very long time."

A smile pulled at the corners of Dean's mouth. Really, without his powers Cas was just a baby in a trench coat. Well, maybe not, now that he could see Cas shirtless, he could tell that Cas is definitely not a baby of any sort. When Cas put the hospital shirt down and turned around, Dean could see that there were no scars where he had cut the sigils, just perfectly smooth flesh. He felt a bit disappointed, that the mark of Cas' sacrifice wasn't there, but it was hard to be too upset, when he could see Cas shirtless. _Cas is a man... Kind of. Still not my type... But he looks good..._ Dean tried to fight the thoughts off, reminding himself that he was straight, reminding himself that Cas is an angel, reminding himself that- _Cas means everything to me and it really doesn't matter man, woman, human, or angel._ His mouth opened in a little 'o' of realization and he looked at Cas again.

Cas sullied by all his mistakes, all the mistakes made because Dean asked him to fight for free will. He looked at the beard grown in Purgatory, a mark of human time spent in monster hell by an angel. Dean looked at this angel, his angel, and knew why he had struggled so long. Cas may not get it yet, but Dean could teach Cas because he was learning too.

"Hey, Cas, leave the pants for a minute." Dean wasn't quite ready for the whole shebang. "We should get you shaved before you shower."

The characteristic head-tilt gave away Cas' confusion, but he stopped tugging at the drawstrings on his pants. Dean stepped closer, eyeing the planes of Cas' chest, into his stomach, and down to his hip bones, where his loosened pants hung perfectly low.

"I'll help you shave, okay? Can't let the baby in a trench coat-" He looked over at the trench coat on the floor, "Okay, baby without a trench coat, cut himself shaving."

Cas pursed his lips under all that "peach fuzz," but just nodded his agreement. Dean reached for his shave gel and started lathering Cas up. The thought pleased him a lot more than it should and he involuntarily smiled. It was a lopsided grin and it made the corner of his eyes crinkle, but it was good to smile. Good to rub the shave gel into Cas' beard. Cas was looking at him questioningly, searching Dean's face for answers, maybe trying to understand why Dean wanted to shave his face for him. Dean could feel Cas' gaze on him as he rinsed his hands and wiped them off and picked up the razor.

"It's been a long time since I taught Sammy to shave and I didn't do it completely for him then... So, I promise nothing, just tell me if I cut you or anything."

"Dean... Maybe I should do it myself?"

Dean fixed Cas with a scowl that told Cas to shut up.

"I said I would do it. Just let me help you with this."

He placed the razor on the right side of Cas' face and made the first pull down Cas' jawline. Dean watched the stripe of clean skin show throw the hair and the foam and then the next Cas' face reappeared from beneath the beard.

"Much more 'holy tax accountant' this way. It suits you."

But under the teasing, Dean was swallowing again, trying to bury what he was feeling for his best friend. When Dean picked up the towel and started wiping away the water and flecks of foam, he paused, his hand touching Cas' face through the towel. The dim warmth was pleasant against his palm. Cas' lips were pursed just the tiniest bit and his eyes looked concerned.

"Dean, are you finished? I'm still dirty and the shower is still on."

Dean looked up at his angel, his friend, and knew that Cas was much more than that. Dean looked at the dirt and stains on Cas' clothes piled on the floor. He looked at Cas' disheveled hair. He looked at all the stains covering his angel and knew that all those stains were the sins that had piled up since he had asked Cas to side with humanity and free will. He felt his mouth turn down and tears begin to sting his eyes. He scrunched his brow up and looked Cas in the eye.

They just stared into each other's eyes like all the answers in the world were there. Dean looked for blame, for anger, for forgiveness. But there was none there, no blame, no anger, not even forgiveness.

"Cas... I didn't leave you behind. I wanted you here. I needed you here. You gave up, you can't do that! You can't just give up on me!"

He dropped the towel and grabbed Cas' shoulder. When he touched hot, bare skin, slick with the shower's steam, Dean paused. It really hit him then, Cas was here. Cas was really _here_ and he wasn't going to waste time talking about his feelings. It felt like his hand was one fire, like Cas' grace was burning into him through his hand. Cas was so close and Dean just kept flicking his eyes down to Cas' lips, like he was hypnotized. Cas tilted his head, eyes taking in all of Dean, and Dean was suddenly thinking how it was the perfect angle for a kiss. A kiss would be so easy right now.

But as Dean leaned in for the kiss, he blinked, back in the present, rather than some fantasy of the future. Cas was still sitting there, beard and dirty clothes intact. And Dean rolled his bottom lip through his teeth, eyeing his angel. He could make the fantasy real or he could ignore it until a better time. Now probably wasn't the right time with Sam right there and Kevin missing and Cas back from Purgatory somehow. It wasn't the right time, but now Dean knew, knew that Cas was _his_ angel and a right time would come. So he just gave Cas a knowing look and a small, hopefully unnoticed, once-over.

"Purgatory'll do that to you."

Cas eyed Dean for a moment, looking like he could read everything about Dean, but then stood and moved toward the bathroom and the shower. Now Dean needed to talk to Sammy because this was all too good to be true. But he was still glad to have Cas back.


End file.
